


Worth It All

by Ixthalia



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Empath, Empathy, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Love, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Gentle Kissing, Hate to Love, Hurt/Comfort, Hydra (Marvel), Implied/Referenced Torture, Injury Recovery, Love Confessions, Mutant Powers, Mutants, Neck Kissing, Rejection, Romance, Rough Kissing, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Telekinesis, Telepathy, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-10 15:46:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15294783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ixthalia/pseuds/Ixthalia
Summary: Disowned by her family, Merrin spends months travelling alone across the United States before her path crosses with the Avengers.Initially terrified after her abilities are revealed, she's elated to find acceptance for the first time in her life.  But while everyone she meets is friendly and welcoming, there is one whose cold, suspicious glare doesn't go unnoticed.James Buchanan Barnes.But as clear as he makes his dislike of her, she feels drawn to him in ways she can't explain.So when she catches him with his walls down, everything between them shifts...And as mistrust fades into friendship, something new and terrifying emerges from the ashes neither ever expected...something HYDRA's latest scheme will put to the test...





	1. Welcome to New York

The dilapidated bus coasted into Poughkeepsie on fumes six hours behind schedule. As the exhausted driver disembarked and began tugging luggage out from the bus’s storage compartment, the passengers slowly made their way out onto the curb; cursing as they went.

Merrin held back, clutching her backpack tightly as she watched the station workers milling about from the window of the bus.

Despite having spent nearly twenty hours on a cramped bus, she wasn’t in any rush to disembark. She’d decided to go to New York on a whim and hadn’t bothered to buy a train ticket ahead of time. It was one of the perks of wandering aimlessly – she couldn’t be late if she didn’t plan too far ahead.

With the bus empty, she finally stood and slung her backpack over her shoulder and zipped up her hoodie. Everything she owned fit in her bag – a change of clothes, pyjamas, extra socks and underwear, her phone and wallet, a tattered map, an extra pair of gloves, and a worn leather-bound journal. Everything else she needed she stole.

In the year she’d been wandering, she’d managed to slowly make her way from the West Coast to the East. She’d been alone the entire time, though that part didn’t bother her – it was what she needed. Reaching New York meant she’d completed the goal she’d set out for herself all those months ago. What happened after…well, she wasn’t sure.

For now, she resigned herself to playing tourist. She’d never been to New York City before and that meant she had hundreds of must-see places to check out. Central Park, the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State building, the Metropolitan Museum of Art, Avenger Tower…

Merrin sighed heavily.

Maybe after seeing the sights she’d have an idea of where to go next.

Disembarking, she headed into the train station, hoping she didn’t have to wait too long for the next train to New York City. 

She approached the teller and spent the last of the money she had on a one-way ticket to the city, which mercifully was two hours away from departing. 

Bypassing the empty benches to sit against the wall near the vending machines, Merrin took out her phone and scrolled through her pictures. Despite having passed through numerous states, she hadn’t taken any pictures of the sights she’d seen. Every picture was from her life before leaving Portland – her parents and brother, friends…

She missed them, though she rarely admitted it to herself. Dwelling on it only made her days difficult, which in turn reminded her that going back wasn’t an option.

She turned off her phone and buried it at the bottom of her backpack.

It was going to be a long two hours.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Four hours later, Merrin passed through the last turnstile at the train station, having finally arrived. She passed the small shops that lined the walkway without giving them much thought, eager to finally see the city.

She heard the city before she saw it. Even though it was late, the echo of footsteps, shouting, car horns, whistles, and sirens filtered down the staircase from the city streets above. Excited, she sprinted forward, taking the steps two at a time.

When she finally surfaced, she couldn’t help but look up. Surrounded by glass-walled skyscrapers, she could only see a sliver of the night sky above her. Lights reflected off the buildings, somehow making the spectacle of the city even more impressive. And it was loud, so loud! 

Toying with the cuff of her gloves and tugging down the sleeve of her hoodie to make sure she was covered, Merrin started down the street. As much as she wanted to start exploring immediately, it was late, and she needed to find a place to spend the night.

A young woman travelling alone was an easy target. She’d had some close calls since leaving Portland, but with every passing day she grew more comfortable with her abilities, and they kept her safe. As much as she hated them and as much trouble as they’d caused, she knew she’d not have made it out of Oregon without her powers.

She spotted a Holiday Inn just three blocks from the station and decided it would work. Passing through the doors, Merrin slipped off one glove and surveyed the lobby for an easy target.

An elderly woman sat in the lounge, her focus fixed on her knitting. She had a single piece of luggage at her side, her purse tucked between her feet.

Swallowing the sickening feeling that hit her each time she started the manipulation, Merrin approached the woman. With a slight twitch of her finger, she used her powers to send the ball of yarn the woman was working with falling forward off her lap and rolling towards her.

Merrin hurried forward, dipping down to pick up the yarn before the woman could set aside her work to go and fetch it.

“Here you are, ma’am,” Merrin said sweetly, smiling at the woman as she extended her hand.

The woman reached out and the second her hand touched Merrin’s, the woman was immobilized. Merrin worked quickly, using her powers to peek into the woman’s mind and place the suggestion. 

Each time she did this, she always intended to get in and out of a person’s mind as quickly and gently as possible. But each time something went wrong. Whether it was seeing too far into their memories or becoming so entwined in a moment that she felt every emotion they did with agonizing precision, Merrin always walked away with something from the mind of each person she touched. 

And she absolutely hated it.

Releasing the woman’s hand, a zap that felt like static electricity danced over her fingertips. It was a gentle parting and she sighed in relief, thankful she didn’t distress the older woman. Merrin watched her closely.  
The woman blinked slowly, her mind reordering itself around the suggestion. Merrin waited patiently, knowing how disorienting the woman must be feeling, and pulled her glove back on.

The woman finally stood, grabbed Merrin’s gloved hand and walked with her to the front desk. Merrin stood silently beside her as the woman spoke with the man behind the desk and pulled out her credit card. After confirming the week-long booking, the attendant handed the woman a card-key to the room she’d booked.

Merrin led her away from the desk and took the offered card-key.

“Thank you, Dolores,” Merrin whispered, “your family is lucky to have you, you’re a good woman. I’m sorry I had to do this.”

Dolores patted the top of Merrin’s hand and smiled before returning to the lounge, collecting her belongings, and leaving the hotel.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Taking the elevator to the tenth floor, Merrin located her room at the end of the hallway. It was a small room with a view of the side of the building next to it from the window, but it was the best place she’d stayed in in a long time.

Tossing her backpack on the bed, she retreated to the bathroom and stripped out of her clothes.

Letting her jeans, sweater, and tank top fall to the floor, she carefully removed her gloves and folded them, placing them on the vanity. She untied her braid and used her fingers to comb out her long, dirty honey blonde hair. 

She took a second to look herself over in the mirror as the water in the shower warmed up. 

After months of not eating properly, she was much thinner than she was in Oregon. She’d always been the bigger one of her friends, pretty but not petite and slim like the girls she hung out with. Her thighs had slimmed out, as had her once soft stomach, causing her jeans to hang loose on her. Her shirts fit her strangely now too given the weight she’d lost from her arms and chest. And while her breasts were still large, the one bra she owned never seemed to be tight enough.

Sighing, she ran her hand over the fresh cuts up the inside of her arm. There were dozens of old scars she’d given herself over the years, fresh cuts criss-crossing them.

She wasn’t proud of them. After adding each one she’d berate herself and fall into a depression that lasted days. 

Those usually resulted in more scars…which started the cycle anew. 

Stepping into the shower, she used the shampoo and body wash provided by the hotel to clean herself. The water was far too hot, but she couldn’t bring herself to turn it down. After weeks of bathing in ice-cold water from dingy motels, warm water was cleansing. 

In her mind, it was strong enough to wash it all away. Her scars, the cellulite dimples she knew to be on her butt, the stretch marks on her thighs, the obscene amount of freckles covering her body…and the motley of mistakes she’d made using her abilities.

Long after the suds were washed from her body, Merrin stood under the water.


	2. A Walk in the Park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trip to Central Park doesn't end as she expected...

Merrin pulled herself from her bed early in the morning after getting only three or four hours of real rest. Nightmares plagued her each night. They were rarely the same, an ever-changing jumble of pieced together memories she’d pulled from the minds of others.

Changing into her clothes from the night before, she pulled her hair back in a messy bun and grabbed her backpack. She grabbed a bagel from the hotel’s breakfast buffet and a free city map on her way out of the lobby and stepped out into the street. Even so early in the day, the city’s streets were bustling. 

She found a subway station easily enough and used her powers to manipulate the turnstile into letting her pass. From there, it took two trains and less than thirty minutes to reach her destination of the day – Central Park.

The area was incredibly beautiful. Surrounded by posh condos and hotels, the park was a lush oasis in the heart of the city.

She was in the park for over an hour and was sitting under a tree in Strawberry Fields, writing in her journal, when she heard it. Over the sound of fellow visitors laughing and enjoying the day, a loud crash from beyond the trees caught her attention. She looked at the people around her and saw no reaction from them. Just as she was about to write it off as nothing, maybe a mild fender-bender at a busy intersection, when she heard a sudden onslaught of gunfire.

Someone near her screamed and Merrin quickly shoved her journal back into her backpack as she scanned the area.

Unsure of exactly where it came from, she stood still and listened as closely as she could as people started to panic. She wanted to join them, to run and hide, but she didn’t want to run blindly into whatever was happening. 

More gunshots rung out and she realized whomever it was, they were using automatic weapons.

Merrin’s chest tightened as fear surged through her with suffocating intensity. 

Her dad had been a police officer in Portland for twenty years. He’d instilled a healthy fear and respect of firearms in her, and she knew if AR’s were involved something bad was happening.

Another crash echoed through the vast park, the sound of metal on metal, and then…

The trees around her shook and the screams intensified.

Slinging her backpack over her shoulder, she took off into the park at a sprint. The paths were full of terrified people, so she tried to stay off them, not wanting to be trampled. 

As she tore through the gardens, the tremors continued. She knew she had to get out of the park but as much as she tried, she couldn’t figure out the direction the commotion was coming from.

It felt like it was all around her.

Stumbling into a clearing, Merrin found herself standing on an ornate stone patio overlooking Bethesda Fountain. As she struggled to catch her breath and figure out where she was on the small map she’d grabbed before entering the park, she heard the distinct sound of a child crying over the faint sounds of gunfire.

She hurried down the stairs that lead down to the fountain itself and found a lone toddler sobbing uncontrollably. He had to be no more than three and as she approached him, she scanned the area and didn’t see anyone nearby.

Where the hell was this kid’s parents?

Dropping to her knees in front of the little boy, she gently grabbed his hands, pulling them down from his face to get his attention.

“Hi, sweetheart, where is your mommy?”

The child answered in a language she’d never heard before and she sighed heavily. Heaving the child into her arms, she allowed him to cry into her shoulder as she looked around them, hoping for some sign as to what to do.

“It’s going to be alright, buddy,” she whispered, hoping to sooth him despite not knowing his language, “I’ll find your mommy and you’ll be –

She was interrupted by a torrent of gunfire above her. Eyes wide and turned upward, she saw what looked like a high-tech helicopter firing at something small that was approaching it at great speed. 

Knees weak and arms heavy with a terrified child, Merrin didn’t know what to do. She wouldn’t get far running with a child in her arms and leaving him wasn’t an option. No one was in the area and even if she did run she had no idea where to go.

_Think, Merrin, think!_

An explosion from above didn’t allow her the chance.

Looking back upward, she saw that something had hit the helicopter and it was circling in the sky, heavy smoke shooting out of it in great plumes. 

“Oh, shit…”

It started losing altitude fast and to her horror it was coming down right above them.

Her first instinct was to run, but she knew that wouldn’t work the second it crossed her mind.

That only left a single option…

Swallowing hard, she worked through the terror-induced shaking in her limbs, setting the boy down and pushing him away from her, toward the stairs.

“Run,” she yelled at him, waving her arms frantically to urge the boy away, “Go now!”

The boy fell to his knees and descended into another wave of sobs.

“Shit,” Merrin hissed under her breath.

She knew she couldn’t screw this up.

Taking a few strong steps forward, Merrin raised her hands and focused on the helicopter.

In all the years since her abilities emerged, she’d never manipulated an object this large or fast. But as it grew close enough to disturb the pond and pull up a plume of dust, she forced that thought from her mind.  
The second her powers roared to life, she became entirely aware of the enormous weight of the aircraft. 

Metal…wires…the surge of faltering electrical connections…heat…fire… 

Her vision blurred, her knees buckled, and she growled as she dug deep for the strength to move it.

Mercifully, something snapped inside of her and she caught it, causing the helicopter to hang in the air. 

She took a deep, gasping breath.

Close enough to feel the heat from the fire burning inside of it, Merrin worked quickly, knowing she couldn’t hold it forever. As smaller pieces fell all around from the burning wreckage, she moved her fingers, pushing the helicopter back over the fountain to the water beyond it.

Pain shot through her head and she stumbled forward to her knees. 

So…close…

Her grip on it faltered at the edge of the water and as it crashed into the earth, she drew her powers back just enough to give one last push, blocking the ripple of water and debris that flew towards her from its impact.

All tension left her body and she wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to stand, let alone get both her and the boy to safety.

The boy…

Looking up, she realized that she had an audience.

The little boy looked at her with wide eyes, his tears stilled by his shock. He was cradled in the arms of someone she’d seen before but only ever on television.

Captain America.

Beside him stood a dark-haired man with a gun and…a metal arm?

Blinking slowly, she wondered if she was seeing things. 

As she tried to right herself, she vaguely registered the Captain speaking to her as he neared but she said nothing. He was an Avenger, his friend likely was too; if anyone was going to get her in trouble for her abilities, it would be them.

Images of a cage flashed in her mind and she whimpered as she scrambled to her feet.

A strong hand gripped her upper arm and kept her upright as she stumbled forward.

“Woah, slow down, kid.”

Looking up, she locked eyes with the dark-haired man.

She was too dizzy to make out his features, all she could feel was his iron-tight grip on her arm and it renewed her desperation to get away.

Her chance came when soldiers wielding guns burst through the trees. The Captain shouted to his companion, dropping low to raise his shield in time to block the hail of bullets as he clutched the child tight.

The man with the metal arm cursed under his breath and let go of her to spin around and raise his gun, picking off the gunmen one-by-one.

Merrin dropped to her knees, head still spinning violently, as she began to weakly crawl to the treeline. She dug her nails into the soil as she dragged her body across the field, fighting the nausea that threatened to overcome her.

With shouting and gunfire behind her, she didn’t spare the energy to glance over her shoulder. Instead, she rolled down the slope just beyond the trees and took a deep breath before forcing herself to her feet.

Wobbly and disoriented, Merrin took a tentative step forward and, having succeeded in remaining upright, continued forward.

She’d lost her park map in the chaos and tears flooded her eyes in frustration and fear. She’d been so careful since leaving Oregon, so cautious, and now everything was in jeopardy. 

Everything she owned was on her back, so she didn’t have to go back to the hotel. But where would she go instead? She’d revealed herself – surely nowhere in New York was safe now.

And that only flared up a new fear in her.

Merrin rubbed away her tears and leaned on a tree. She could still hear gunfire but more terrifying than that was the sound of hurried footsteps through the overgrowth nearing her.

She whipped around and saw a figure tearing through the trees, weapon raised.

Her heart dropped when she realized it was one of the soldiers who’d appeared near the fountain and shot at Captain America.

Adrenaline surging through her, she forced her exhausted body onward, ripping through the gardens and paths.

She slowed as she neared a fork in the path, gaze whipping back and forth as she tried to make sense of the signs with her blurred vision. Before she had a chance to make up her mind, a sharp pinch spread over her hip.

What the…?

Confused, she glanced over her shoulder to see a large dart imbedded in her flesh, having torn through the fabric of her jeans with ease.. As she tried to process what she was seeing, her limbs suddenly felt heavy.

She took a step forward and immediately crumbled, groaning heavily as she fell to the ground in a heap. 

The soldier was approaching her as he spoke to someone over the radio in what sounded like Russian. She tried to keep her eyes open, but her eyelids were getting so heavy she didn’t think she’d manage much longer.

The image of a cage returned to the forefront of her mind and tears trailed down her cheeks.

She squeezed her eyes shut as the soldier drew closer, but the ear-ringing sound of a gunshot dangerously close-by prompted her to open them.

To her shock, the soldier who’d hit her with the dart was on the ground, a growing pool of blood around his head.

Her eyes fluttered shut and her head felt heavy. Whomever shot the soldier, whatever new danger was approaching, she didn’t have anything left in her to defend herself.

She heard footsteps approaching and winced as someone pulled out the dart and rolled her over onto her back.

Merrin managed to crack open one eye and saw sunlight glint off something metal.

The man with the metal arm?

“Hold on there, kid,” he said quietly, his voice muted in the drug-induced fog that clouded her mind, “I got you.”

He lifted her up and into his arms effortlessly.

Too exhausted to open her eyes, her head rolled against his shoulder as the drugs finally overtook her and lulled her into unconsciousness.


	3. New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merrin wakes up in Avenger Tower and an opportunity presents itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the kudos and comments so far guys! I appreciate all of them!
> 
> Let me know what you think of this one! 
> 
> I'll be moving within the next few weeks so if I'm silent just hang in there! :)

She awoke suddenly, jerking from her slumber only to find herself in a room she didn’t recognize. It was clean, white, and as she shook off the remnants of sleep she realized she was in a hospital room.

Looking down, she saw she’d been changed into a clean pair of shorts and a tank top. Her old clothes and her backpack nowhere to be found. Various bruises stood out against her pale skin and she was hooked up to an IV. She followed the line to the monitor that was flashing beside her, eyed the bag of fluids being pumped into her body. 

Sitting up, she reached for the catheter in her arm and tugged it out, hissing as the tape pulled at her skin and blood trickled down her arm. 

She swung her legs over the edge of the bed and hopped off, only to fall to the floor, her legs incredibly weak.

“I advise not moving, miss,” a disembodied voice said gently, “Dr. Cho will be here shortly to offer assistance.”

Merrin looked up, “Who…who are you?”

“Friday, miss, the artificial intelligence created by Mister Stark for Avenger Tower.”

She crawled across the floor to a chair in the corner of the room and used it to heave herself upward. 

“Why am I here?” she growled as she slumped in the chair.

“You were injured in the altercation in Central Park. Sergeant Barnes brought you back here, to Avenger Tower, to receive medical treatment.”

“Am….am I a prisoner here?” she asked, her chin trembling as she held her breath, fearful of the AI’s answer.

“No, miss. Though Mister Stark and Captain Rogers have questions for you. I’ll inform them you’re awake and able to receive guests as soon as Dr. Cho gives the green light.”

The door opened and Merrin’s gaze snapped toward the sound. A petite woman in a lab coat entered, a nurse following close behind with a wheelchair, and smiled.

“I am Dr. Cho. I’ve been tasked with your care.”

She nodded at the woman.

“Merrin.”

“Well, Merrin, I’d like to take your vitals,” she eyed Merrin’s bleeding arm, “place another catheter, then Mister Stark would like to speak with you.”

The doctor fetched a device from a nearby trolley and approached her, reaching out to grab Merrin’s bare arm.

Horrified, Merrin jerked back.

“No!”

The woman stopped abruptly, looking to her for an explanation.

“D-Don’t. I…have these…powers,” Merrin stammered, “when I touch people…I-I get into their head. Please…don’t…”

The doctor swallowed hard, clearly uncomfortable, but nodded. In the end, she opted simply to take a small blood sample from Merrin and refit her with a catheter, donning two pairs of gloves as she worked. When she was done and had placed a small bandage over the puncture wound, she carefully helped Merrin into the wheelchair.

“The toxin will be out of your system shortly,” she said as she pushed Merrin down a long corridor, “there won’t be any adverse reactions for you to worry about. How are you feeling?”

Merrin untucked her hair from behind her ears, allowing it to fall forward and shield her face. The people in suits they passed were all staring at her, only a select few being courteous enough to at least feign disinterest. 

“A little like I’m on display…can we just get this over with?”

Cho wheeled her into a large conference room and was adjusting the pump of Merrin’s IV when Tony Stark entered followed by a flustered looking assistant. Merrin kept her gaze down but caught glimpse of the assistant scurrying out of the room and someone new joining them.

“So nice of you to join us, Cap,” Stark said, taking a seat and kicking his feet up on the table, “Thought you were going to leave this to me.”

“I’m not late, Tony,” Steve said with a glare as he sat down, “and I said I’d be here.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Tony waved his hand dismissively, turning his focus to Merrin, “So, kid, how’re you feeling?”

Cho finished tweaking the IV pump and patted Merrin on the shoulder as she politely excused herself. She watched the doctor leave and caught sight of Tony and the Captain both eyeing her expectantly. 

She shrugged, “Alright, I guess…that boy from the park…is he okay?”

Steve nodded, “He is, thanks to you.”

“Yeah about that,” Tony said with a smirk, “care to tell us how you did that little trick with the helicarrier?”

Merrin bit her lip. She knew the least she could do was answer their questions after they helped her but a small and persistent part of her was still very much afraid. Months of running and hating herself for what she could do were hard to deviate from. And they were Avengers – heroes. She wasn’t capable of doing good as they did.

“Kid?” Tony prompted when she made no attempt to answer.

Steve sighed, and she sunk into her wheelchair, wishing she could disappear. 

When she risked a small glance upward, she realized there was no frustration or anger in the Captain’s expression. 

“We know your name is Merrin Adelman,” Steve started, “you’re twenty-two, from Oregon –

“And in New York for some reason,” Tony finished, brow arched in confusion.

Merrin swallowed hard, “I…wasn’t welcome at home anymore. I didn’t know where to go so I just…started running I guess.”

“I’m guessing your ‘gifts’ had something to do with that?” he continued.

She winced, hating his choice of words, but nodded.

“I can…move objects with my mind,” she said cautiously, aware denying anything wouldn’t fly with them, “and…when I touch someone I can…I can see into their mind. Memories…fears…emotions…I feel and see it all.”

“That has to be inconvenient,” Tony quipped. 

“It is,” Merrin frowned, “I can’t really control it though, so...I’ve hurt a lot of people with it.”

“Could be useful,” he pondered aloud, shooting a knowing look at the Captain, “with the right training of course.”

Steve nodded, crossing his arms as he leaned back in his chair, clearly in deep thought. 

“W-What?” Merrin stammered.

“We have something of an…internship opportunity for the right person,” Tony answered.

Eyes wide, Merrin scrambled to make sense of what she was hearing. Training? Her? What the hell was he talking about?

“W-W-What?”

“You stopped a helicarrier weighing thousands of pounds and engulfed in flames from plummeting to the ground,” Tony said, an amused grin plastered on his face, “with your mind. Now your telling me you can get into someone’s head just by touching them? We could use you, kid.”

Without hesitation Merrin shook her head. As his words sunk in so did the panic. She made a weak attempt to wheel herself back from the table, but her arms were so numb and limp she barely managed a single push of the grips. 

Steve reached out across the table in a calming gesture, “Merrin, hang on –

“No,” she said, swallowing the bile that had risen in her throat, “No way! I told you I can’t control it! Until yesterday I hadn’t moved anything heavier than a sedan with my powers!”

“So, we train you,” Tony said with a shrug, clearly not concerned, “Wanda’s got telekinetic abilities and has been known to poke around in people’s heads on occasion too. You can be her Padawan.”

“I’ve hurt people!” Merrin snapped back, flabbergasted he was so dismissive of this.

Didn’t he see the dangers of what he was proposing?

“Haven’t we all.”

“My family kicked me out because of…this,” she growled, tense with anger.

“They didn’t know how to help you,” Tony countered, “believe me, kid, you are not going to be the weirdest one here. Barnes and Banner have you beat by a long shot.”

Steve chuckled, “He has a point.”

“And where are you going to go if you turn us down, anyway? Your folks don’t want you.”

Merrin hung her head and began toying with the hem of her shorts.

He had a point. She had no plans beyond going to Central Park and after her week at the hotel she’d be homeless and penniless. She supposed she could always travel south, enjoy the warmth of Florida before heading back east, but somehow the thought of being on the road again didn’t sit well with her. 

She was tired.

Steve groaned, “Tony…”

“What?”

“I’m…not in trouble?” Merrin muttered, mind still whirling with what to do, “for what happened?”

Steve gave her a sympathetic look and shook his head.

“And…I’m not going to be locked away?”

“Nope, you’ll have your own room with a view like everyone else. Wanda can help you get the hang of your gifts –

“Powers,” Merrin interjected, “they’ve never been a gift.”

“Fair, but wouldn’t it be a pleasant change to have control over them instead of the other way around? You could really do some good, kid. Don’t tell me that doesn’t appeal to you.”

Merrin sighed and slumped back in the wheelchair. Her head throbbed painfully, the insanity of the whole situation doing nothing to calm it. 

“You don’t have to make a decision right now,” Steve said evenly, “stay for a while, feel out the place and get better. If you feel comfortable, then you can stay. We’ll train you, help you get control over your abilities…and give you the opportunity to do some real good.”

Merrin pinched the bridge of her nose and squeezed her eyes shut. The bright lights of the room were too much; she just wanted the conversation to be over, so she could go and try to get some sleep.

“Fine…just…can I please go back to my uncomfortable bed in the hospital, so I can pass out?”

Tony nodded, “Yeah, we’ll get you to your new room though, let you settle in.”

“I’ll take her,” Steve said, standing and making his way around the table, “can you let the others know we’ll be up?”

Tony stood with a groan, “I’ll prep the welcoming committee.”

“Maybe not tonight,” Steve said, noticing the exhaustion in Merrin’s eyes as he looked down at her, “lets save that for after she’s had a solid night’s sleep.”

Merrin was too tired to thank him but looked up from behind the curtain of hair she was hiding behind to give him a warm look, hopeful he understood.

“Fine,” Tony said, “I’ll have her things brought up in the morning. Sleep tight, kid.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------

They were silent as they made there way down the hallway towards the elevator and for that she was grateful. As he pushed her out of the elevator, Merrin was elated to see the residential level was empty. He wheeled her past a large kitchen that opened up into a sizable living room that was dominated by an impressive fireplace and large picture windows. Most lights were off and she assumed the others were already asleep or had the decency to retreat to their rooms at Tony’s suggestion. 

As they headed down a hallway past the kitchen, Steve broke the silence.

“Clint’s room is there,” he said, nodding to the first room to the left, “and Peter’s is here. They’re not always here, so its pretty quiet. I’m across the hallway from him, and beside me is Bucky’s room.”

Merrin nodded and looked up at him, “Whose he?”

Clint and Peter’s names, she recognized – Spiderman and Hawkeye were big names in the Avengers and she’d seen the numerous times in the news. Bucky, though, wasn’t a name she’d heard before.

“Bucky Barnes,” Steve explained, “He was with me in the park when we met. He saved you from the HYDRA agent who hit you with the tranquilizer.”

The man with the metal arm? Merrin tried to remember the moments leading up to the dart hitting her but couldn’t focus on any fragment of it other than the glimmer of sunlight off his arm.

Frustrated with herself, she wondered aimlessly why he did it…why he had a metal arm…and what the hell HYDRA was.

“Hmm, guess I owe him a thank you,” she murmured.

“Well you’ll see him in the morning, you can thank him then,” he slowed down in front of the door just diagonal from Bucky’s at the end of the hall, “this one’s yours.”

Pushing her through the door, he flicked on the light.

Merrin was startled by what she saw. The room was massive. A huge bed furnished with more pillows than she could ever need and linens she knew had to be incredibly expensive was against a feature wall adorned with rustic wood. The furniture was modern and sleek, and the room itself was fully stocked. Piles of plush towels and toiletries were on the dresser nearest the attached bathroom. Of the numerous bookshelves that lined the walls, there was a modest selection of books at the ready. 

It was generous…and so much more than she expected.

“Wow,” she muttered in awe as she looked up and noticed the vaulted ceilings and skylights.

Steve laughed, “Yeah, Tony doesn’t know how to dial it back sometimes.”

He wheeled her closer to the bed and stepped around her, moving to slip his arms under her legs and around her back to help her up.

Merrin flinched and he stopped in his tracks. 

“Sorry…I know you just want to help but…”

“No, it’s my bad,” he said with a shy smile as he rubbed the back of his neck, “forgot.”

“It’s alright. Maybe…maybe just roll me closer and just hold onto the IV bag so I can crawl onto the bed?”

Steve nodded and hurriedly moved her closer. He unhooked the IV bag from the post that jutted up from the back of the wheelchair and held it up, cringing as she made a weak attempt to heave herself up.

“Are you sure I can’t just –

“No!” Merrin said with a grunt as she reached out and used the headboard to wiggle herself up. Once she was finally on the bed she gave a heavy sigh, her arms feeling strangely heavy all the sudden. 

“Sorry,” she breathed, “I know you just want to help and I’m grateful for everything its just…I don’t want to invade your privacy.”

“It’s no problem,” he said as he jerry-rigged the IV bag so it hung from the headboard, “If you need anything just ask, Friday will get one of us.”

Merrin nodded into her pillow and thanked him through a yawn as he grabbed the blanket folded at the foot of the bed and pulled it over her.

She was asleep before Steve closed the door behind him.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Merrin woke up early in the morning to Doctor Cho knocking on her door. She entered with the same nurse from earlier and helped her from bed as they took her vitals. After everything read as normal, she removed the IV catheter and bandaged her arm. When Merrin successfully made it across the room without falling, Cho gave her the go-ahead to go wheelchair-free. 

“The others are preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Captain Rogers wanted to extend you an invitation to join them, if you’re ready.”

Nodding, she grabbed a towel from the pile she’d spotted earlier.

“I think I’ll shower first. Hard to make a good first impression if you stink.”

After thanking the doctor, Merrin slipped into the bathroom and cautiously stepped into the shower. Much to her delight, even the shower was well stocked. Expensive bottles of shampoo and conditioner sat on the corner and she took her time smelling each one before settling on fresh citrus.

Finishing up, Merrin stepped out of the shower and dried off. When she went back into her room she realized she had nothing clean to wear and sat down on the edge of her bed, wrapped in a towel and unsure what to do. 

It was then she noticed a new pile beside the towels on her dresser. Approaching it to investigate, she realized it was an assortment of shorts and tops with a note on top.

_‘Cap said you didn’t come here with much – hope these fit!_

_See you soon!_

_-Wanda’_

Smiling, she chose a pair of black shorts and a bright blue tank top. When she looked in the mirror she grimaced. The top was too tight and showed every roll of her stomach and highlighted the revolting sag of her breasts. With a groan, she snatched a long-sleeved grey shirt that was a little looser and pulled it on over the tank. After brushing out her damp hair and taking one last look at herself in the mirror, she took a deep breath and stepped out of her room.

Merrin heard laughter and dinner plates clanking together and slowly made her way down the hallway toward the sound. 

As she rounded the corner she saw Steve working away in the kitchen with a few other people she recognized from newscasts. Natasha was helping him, cracking eggs as she swatted Bruce’s hands away from a plate of muffins, and Pietro was flipping pancakes. Wanda and Vision were setting the table, and Tony was deep in conversation with Peter and Sam in the living room. 

The man with the metal arm – Bucky - was in the living room as well. Slouched in an armchair near the fireplace, he was twirling his glass of orange juice as he quietly watched everybody. He was wearing sweatpants and a tight-fitting white shirt that made ignoring his well-sculpted body impossible. 

“Merrin!”

Steve’s voice pulled her from her trance and she immediately noticed everyone’s gaze was on her. Bucky’s included. 

“Umm, hi, it’s nice to meet you all,” she stammered, gaze downcast as she pulled the sleeves of her shirt down to hide her hands.

Wanda grinned and hurried over to shake her hand, allowing the fabric of Merrin’s shirt to act as a barrier between their skin. 

“It’s so good to finally meet you!”

“You too,” Merrin said with a small smile, “and thanks…for the clothes.”

“You’re welcome!”

Pietro was by his sister’s side in the blink of an eye, introducing himself with a cocky grin and a wink. Natasha and Bruce were next, followed by Peter, Sam, and Vision. 

They were friendly and seemed genuinely excited to see her. No one tried to hug her or ask any questions about her abilities, no one even mentioned it or what happened in the park. It was refreshing and entirely unexpected. 

She couldn’t help but smile.

Tony called for everyone to head to the table and Merrin nervously followed Wanda, mindful that one person hadn’t tried to say hello.

As she sat down between Wanda and Pietro, she shivered at the feeling of his intense gaze on her. He was sitting down across from her next to Steve but seemed uninterested in the amazing food everyone was passing down the line. 

Merrin accepted the large bowl of scrambled eggs from Pietro, using her fork to put a little on her plate before passing it along to Wanda. She tried to keep her focus down, hoping if she didn’t acknowledge him he’d stop.

“So, Merrin, where are you from?” Peter asked from his spot next to Tony.

Merrin brushed her hair behind her ear and looked up to answer the young man.

“Oh, um, Portland.”

She swallowed hard and risked a glance Bucky’s way. His piercing blue eyes were fixed on her and he hadn’t touched his food. His grip on his glass was iron-tight and Merrin was surprised it hadn’t shattered.

Her heart sank and the hopeful excitement she’d felt since leaving her room faded. He clearly hated her – what the hell had she done to deserve that? She hadn’t even been in the tower three days and most of that time had been spent passed out. She hadn’t even said a word to him!

“Wow! You’re a long way from home!”

“Yeah…well, I wanted to travel.”

“Enjoying New York?” Sam piped up as he stole a pancake from Steve’s plate.

Steve just shook his head and started in on the mountain of eggs he had.

“So far, yeah, it’s a beautiful city…”

The meal went well, everyone taking the opportunity to make polite conversation and learn a little more about their newest addition. When everyone was done, they broke off and set about their day, leaving a pile of dirty dishes on the table. 

Merrin hung back to help Steve tidy the table.

As she carried an arm-load of dishes over to the sink, she took advantage of being alone with Steve to ask him something that was bothering her.

“Um, Steve?”

He looked over his shoulder at her as he started to fill up the sink, overlooking the seemingly functional dishwasher to his right.

“Yeah?”

“Does…does your friend Bucky not like me or something?”

Steve sighed, “It’s not…it’s not anything personal, Merrin. Bucky just has trouble trusting people.”

Merrin thought about what he said and nodded.

“Okay…”

Steve stopped what he was doing and dried his hands on a towel before continuing. 

“Listen…Bucky’s been through a lot. It’s not my place to say more than that but after we brought you back here and found out more about your abilities he seemed less interested in meeting you. I think your abilities…make him…”

“Uncomfortable?” Merrin offered, biting the inside of her cheek.

Steve said nothing, but she had a feeling she was bang-on. 

It wasn’t like she could blame anyone for feeling uncomfortable because of her abilities. She hardly had a grasp on them and couldn’t touch anyone because of it. Unease was to be expected. But he’d saved her in the park and she couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe he was regretting it now.

And that hurt.

Her family hated her and cast her out because of her powers but for someone to regret saving her life because of them…

She felt small again; small and insignificant and a complete and utter mistake.

Steve noticed the crestfallen look in her eyes and used a dirty spatula to poke her hip.

Merrin cracked a small smile and looked up at him, laughing a little when he shrugged.

“Hey, I didn’t mean to upset you. Give it time, he’ll come around.”

Nodding, she continued helping him tidy up, trying to push her worries and thoughts of Bucky to the far reaches of her mind.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think, dear readers! All comments are deeply appreciated :)  
> I don't have plans for this to a long story but we'll see how it goes. I've got tons of Bucky fic ideas I want to tackle, so this is but one of many I hope to get posted in the near future :)  
> Thanks so much!


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